Our Little Miracle

Well our journey starts here.....actually I should say this journey started long before we came to this earth.  We had no idea that we would be beset with the trial of infertility.  No one has ever been able to find out "why" we haven't been able to have children, we have just been one of those "unknown infertility cases".  We have had lots and lots and lots of testing over the years.  It has been a long road but well worth the wait.  We have enjoyed our time together, just the two of us.  I feel we have become so close through all of this.  This trial has helped us learn a lot and has turned into a blessing in our lives as all trials can if we let them. 

It was really crazy, right before Christmas sometime last year (2013), I just looked at Kade in one of those quite moments and said out of the blue, "We are going to have a baby next year."  I don't know where this came from, I don't know why I said it, there was just something deep in my soul that decided that we would have a baby the following year.  I didn't know how, I didn't know why, this year.  He looked at me and said, "Really? you think so?" Kinda sarcastically, and I said, "YEP!" in a very sure, positive way.  It was a shot in the dark, and I'm sure Kade was thinking, "ok, sure, uh hu".  Because after 9 years of marriage, 8 years of trying for a baby, it becomes something that "will never happen for you" in your mind. But then he said, "Well, you do always get what you want so I'm sure it will happen" again very sarcastically :)

On Christmas Day night, a very special thing happened to us, we were presented with the opportunity to do IVF!   I was baffled, and bewildered.....and filled with so much love......love that was overwhelming. I was also filled with the question, "How can we accept this?  This is too much and theres no possible way that we can accept it".   How could this be possible??? We went to the temple and we both felt a feeling that this was what we needed to do.  Its hard to be on the receiving end of such a gift.  I think we all have in us the want to give, but receiving is a different story. There's no words that can express our gratitude for this sweet angel who provided this for us!  Miracles miracles miracles!  They are real, they exist!  And so often they happen through other people.  People are so good.  There is so much love in this corrupted world.  There is so much good that comes from people and miracles happen everyday!  Angels are around us helping us and guiding our lives where they should go.  And just because this is an extremely happy moment in our lives, its the times when we are downtrodden and beat up that are the hardest to have faith and believe that miracles really happen.......I know that feeling....but I promise they do, they do for whatever circumstance you may be in.  I am proof.

 

 I decided to document our journey because it has been a really neat experience!

We had our first meeting with the infertility Dr. (Dr. Faulk) in February and after talking to him, it was even more sure that this is what we needed to do!  So we got started right away.  I was on hormone shots for about a month and a half.  In the beginning, it was just one shot a day and towards the middle/end it was three shots a day.  I DON'T miss the shots one bit, but I did realize that they weren't quite as bad as I thought they'd be. 

I did give them all to myself because the nurse, while explaining to me how to give myself a shot, said, "to go in with confidence" and I decided that I wanted my own confidence....and not Kade's ;) But doing it myself was definitely a mind game everyday!

We tried to figure out how many shots I gave myself and it was about 50 we think.  To many people this is probably no big thing!  But to me......someone who never goes to the Dr.......EVER, it was a little different!

After all the shots were over, I got to go in for my egg retrieval.  They were able to harvest 9 eggs.  And then they fertilized them.  Of the 9 eggs, 7 of them successfully fertilized, which was really good.  Of the 7 that fertilized, 5 of them developed good enough to keep and use!  We were so happy with that!  So we were implanted on March 23rd.  They implanted 2 embryos(pictured above) They are the 2 tiny white dots with the arrows pointing to them.  It was such a cool thing to watch on the monitor!  It was so exciting because that was the potential of our babies lives starting!

I wasn't suppose to take a pregnancy test, and I actually debated and debated weather to or not.  And at times I was NOT going to and at times I WAS going to! And then I decided NO....and then I just did it! haha! I took the test 3 days before I was suppose to go in for my blood draw to find out the results.  I went in the bathroom, took the test, ran out of the bathroom (because you have to wait to see).  So I didn't know what it said, and I told Kade to go look at it that I didn't want to see it first!  So he got up and went in and looked at it, and I can always read Kade's face, so I ran in there to see his face and I knew it was positive! We hugged each other forever! He said, "We've never gotten a positive on one of these before hu!" It was pretty exciting! I also told myself in the back of my mind to not get to excited to try to keep a neutral mindset because it was still early on....but it was definitely a very happy moment!

So here's the first baby bump picture taken before we had gone in to hear the heartbeat.  I feel like when you are on the hormones in the beginning you swell up quite a bit, so that's why I put this pic in here.  I will probably be a bit bigger than I normally would due to the IVF circumstances, but maybe not too.   We went in a couple weeks after implantation to confirm that we were pregnant and to see what the levels were.  They looked good.  My first level was 216 at a day 10 blood draw.  Then we had to go in a week later to see if my levels were doubling.  They were!  My 2nd level was 1642!  So we were happy about that!  Then we awaited the appointment to go in for the ultra sound to hear the heartbeat and to find out if both embryos had implanted! Talk about a nail biter! 



This was one of the coolest days of our lives!  We went in for our appointment, and I had so much anxiety....just not knowing if there was one or two.  When the nurse started doing the ultrasound, she said, "There is one baby in there, can you hear the heartbeat?"  Then she turned up the monitor so we could hear it.  It was the neatest thing!  It was REAL! It is there, growing!  I was overwhelmed!  What a miracle!  Everything turned out the way it was suppose to.  I was excited for the thought of twins but I also did not want the complications during pregnancy that can come with twins.  But I know that the Lord knows me better than I know myself and he knows what is best in my life, and one baby is best, and we couldn't be happier!

The nurse said the heartbeat looked great!  117 bpm at 7 weeks!  

So now......... we await the arrival of our sweet little miracle, estimated to join us on December 11th, 2014!  We couldn't be more blessed!  We can't wait to spoil the heck out of this kid! :)